Relationship Management: Developing Emotional Intelligence Stage 4

Development of emotional intelligence is essential for success in all kinds of relationships. This blog series will outline the stages of emotional intelligence development. This post focuses on stage four, Relationship Management.

Stages to Emotional Intelligence Development

  1. Self-Awareness: Acknowledging and coming to terms with personal strengths, weaknesses, bias and attitudes
  2. Personal Emotional Regulation: Learning to self sooth and mindful of feelings
  3. Self-Motivation: Internal locus of control and desire to grow
  4. Relationship Management: Soft Skills
  5. Emotion Coaching: Coach your team to and others on these skills
relationship management
Emotional intelligence mind map flowchart

Relationship Management

The Five Steps to Building Successful Peer Relationships

relationship management

Step 1: Peer Mapping

Mapping is the evaluating, learning, and understanding the inner workings of your team and your individual team members. Rule of thumb is to be interested vs interesting.

Make time to get to know them and actively listen to what they have to say.

  • Use Open-ended Questions
  • Ask About Personal Life
  • Ask About Professional Life
  • Participate in team building activities.
  • Turn Towards Bids

Open-ended Questions

  • Would you tell me more about ___?
  • Could you help me understand ___?
  • What are the good things and the less good things about ___?
  • What do you think you will lose if you give up ___?
  • What have you tried before?
  • How do you feel now about ___?
  • How do you see things changing?
  • What do you want to do next?
  • What is more important for you now?
  • What would it be like?
  • What do you imagine ___?
  • What would happen if ___?
  • What would you do ___?
  • How can we ___?
  • What is that like?
  • Where would you like to begin?
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Therapy Session
Therapy Session

Personal life Questions

  • How do you get to work?
  • How was your weekend?
  • I meant to ask you about …? (Follow up question to something that they shared with you last time you connected)
  • What’s something new in your life that you’re excited about?
  • What do you think about the …?

Professional life Questions

  • How’s the project going?
  • I noticed that you were not at the meeting last week. How are you?
  • What do you most enjoy about our work? Least enjoy?
  • How did you get into our line of work?
  • What do you want to be doing professionally 3 years from now?

Active Listening Skills

Rules for the Speaker

  • Soft start-up
  • Speak for yourself only
  • Do not make assumptions
  • Use I statements
  • Use I feel _________ when ________ statements
  • Use a timer and keep statements to 5 minutes
  • Stop to let the listener paraphrase


  • Use “I” statements
  • Use descriptive statements
  • Use tactful, non-evaluative, or judgmental statements
  • Be specific in your statements and avoid generalizations
  • Ask questions instead of making assumptions
  • Show empathy and understanding
  • Be respectful to all parties

Rules for the Listener

  • Paraphrase what you hear
  • Reflect feeling
  • Ask clarification questions
  • Focus on the speaker’s message and feeling
  • No defending
  • No judging
  • No criticism
  • No arguing for their position
  • No giving of opinions. 


  • Be aware of your partner’s emotion
  • Turn towards the emotion and avoid a defensive mindset
  • Remember that all viewpoints are valid and need to be heard
  • Attempt to understand your partner’s feelings and experience
  • Avoid defensive responses and remind yourself that you are on the same team
  • Responding with empathy for their experience
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How to Support a Venting Person

  • Focus on being interested, not interesting
  • Start by asking questions
  • Look for commonalities
  • Tune in with all your attention
  • Communicate that you are listening with a nod/sound
  • Paraphrase what the speaker says
  • Validate the speaker’s emotions
  • Maintain eye contact
  • Let go of your agenda
  • Turn off the TV or anything else that is distracting


  • Do not attempt to fix any problems
  • Do not attempt to defend any actions

Step 2: Develop Your Own Emotional Intelligence

  • Follow our blog series and practice practice practice.
  • Mange Conflict
  • Respectful Communication

Step 3: Collaborate

  • Be open to and provide feedback
  • Work on a Trust Bank

Step 4: Communicate Boundaries and Expectations

  • Share boundary needs
  • Respect boundaries
  • Use radical candor

Step 5: Develop Shared Meaning