Self Awareness: Developing Emotional Intelligence Stage 1

Development of emotional intelligence is essential for success in all kinds of relationships. This blog series will outline the stages of emotional intelligence development. This post focuses on stage one which is Self Awareness aka insight.

Stages to Emotional Intelligence Development

  1. Self-Awareness: Acknowledging and coming to terms with personal strengths, weaknesses, bias and attitudes
  2. Personal Emotional Regulation: Learning to self sooth and mindful of feelings
  3. Self-Motivation: Internal locus of control and desire to grow
  4. Relationship Management: Soft Skills
  5. Emotion Coaching: Coach your team to and others on these skills

Step 1: Self-Awareness and Insight

Understand the link between your interpretation of an event and your responses to it

Who am I?

There is only one corner of the universe that you can be certain of improving: and that is your own self.

Aldous Huxley

Internal Dimensions

  • Self-talk
  • Beliefs – about self and others
  • Emotions – own and others
  • Hot buttons (emotional triggers)
  • Fears and anxieties
  • Judgments
  • Self-confidence
  • Driver behavior
  • Rules

External Dimensions

  • Personal style
  • Skills
  • Physical presence
  • Impact on others
  • Energy levels
  • Non-verbal behavior

Understand the Why of Our Emotional Responses

  • What we thinkOur Reality Map: The schematic filter we use to interpret the stimulus form the outside world
  • Remember, our beliefs, values, drivers and the rules we live by create our map of reality. 
  • Change the map and you change how you see, hear, feel and behave in the world.
  • What we feel (the F word)The emotional experience
  • How our bodies react
self awareness
Kebler-Ross grief cycle concept (active, passive emotional response phases)

How Do I Develop Interpersonal Intelligence?

  • Tune into your senses (external and internal sensations stimulus)
  • Get in touch with your thoughts (your internal map and filter)
  • Get in touch with your feelings
  • Examine the external influences which impair you (hangry and tired)
  • Understand your motivations of behaviour
  • Understand the way you learn and communicate
  • Understand the way you repair and show appreciation
Want More Like This? Start Here...  Emotion Coaching: Developing Emotional Intelligence Stage 5

To Thine Own Self Be True

The ways that people treat us are reflections of the ways we treat ourselves. 

Linda Field, The Self-Esteem Workbook

Recognize Your Map

  • People act from their internal map or schema as opposed to reality. 
  • Recognize your map and you open up infinite possibilities of seeing the world in new ways.
  • This means paying attention to what you see and hear and not what you think you see and hear. 
  • Your beliefs, values, drivers and rules act as filters, distorting and deleting what otherwise might be important information.
  • The higher your level of self-awareness, the greater your ability to recognize and distinguish between what is fact and what is the result of a filter.

Your Map

  • Goals, immediate and long-term
  • Beliefs, about ourselves and others
  • Values, those things we hold clear
  • Drivers that effect how we work
  • Rules, that we live by
  • Self-talk
self awareness
illustration of hierarchy of needs of Maslow

Touch Your Feelings

  • Although our feelings are internal, they are often accompanied by outward manifestations. 
  • By paying attention to these external signals, you can begin to understand what these feelings mean for you.
self awareness
Composition of people expressing different feelings

Believe Your Behavior

  • Listen to the answer and observe your behaviour. 
  • This might reveal your true intentions. 

Trust Your Gut Feelings

  • When you feel happy, it is likely that you are in alignment with your inner- and outer-self.
  • However, it could well be that your original intention is in conflict with some underlying goal. 

Be Honest with Yourself

  • Are you harbouring any hidden agendas?
  • Find out who you are, where you have come from and why you are here.
Want More Like This? Start Here...  Relationship Management: Developing Emotional Intelligence Stage 4

Who am I Worksheet